Today I am: Accomplished, Blessed and Confused
After bringing my son to daycare I went to work in the studio. I really want to paint my magpie but its blue-black feather quality is difficult to achieve in any paint for my novice so I have to experiment AND take my time. I get there, start working, then find out the sewer is clogged again and water can't be used. Bummer. So now what? Work until I need to change water & could probably use a restroom, that's what! So I decide I'm going to see if I can only be gone an hour and if I can do 3 things in such little time. Success! Turns out I can drive back home, prepare a casserole, load another round of laundry AND eat "lunch" in an hour! I cut it super close with the casserole because the pot almost completely refused to boil (I have no idea what THAT was all about) but I did it. Accomplished!
After returning to studios, working more on the magpie, and picking up my son, we went to the playground. I said we'd go for 10 minutes... 10 turned into 30 :) The weather was so pleasant (none of those horrid wind gusts from yesterday) I was very happy my son was so agreeable and not hungry so we could do so. So few people were there that while my son was playing in one area I was near him and swinging on the swings. I felt calm. happy and blessed. A beautiful early spring afternoon, time and means to be outside in the filtered sunlight and SWINGING! I truly think I appreciate swings even more now that I'm adult than I did as a child. It's wonderfully calming and fun to do. Blessed.
So as I'm relishing my blessings knowing the next two days are called for to be foul weather, my son stops doing what he's doing to yell at me to "Stop! Stop! No swinging Momma!" Does he want to go on? No. Does he want me to go do something with him? Not really. Is there anyone else even remotely interested at the swings at the moment? Not at all. "Stop!" And he reaches out and bear hugs my slowed legs bringing me to a complete stop. Apparently Momma isn't allowed to swing. I can climb and slide and play, but not swing. Confused.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
One down, many to go
One week down, One Artwork completed!
Seven more weeks, seven more to go and 3 projects already started.
When I don't feel accomplished, like this morning seeing all the boxes in our bedroom as I'm putting away clean laundry, I keep going back to the numbers.
I'd like to point out that as you see a family of 3 or 4 out and about, and you notice that the kids and husband are dressed nice and cleanly but the mother's clothes are rumbled or slightly faded but clean, that you're probably looking at a stay at home mom. Why? Because we tend to do every one else's laundry first. (I imagine this is similar for Stay at Home Dads too!) Since our spouse is going out of the house for work, and also will forget to tell us that they have no clean socks until there are NO socks left in their drawer, we make sure we wash their clothes every week. Our children are, in many cases, the people we spend the most time with and see the most so and help dress in the mornings so, obviously, we have a handle on where their "clean clothes status" is. Which leaves ourselves, the stay at home parent, last.
I realized and was pissed off by this over this past weekend when I couldn't find the pants I wanted to wear to church... one of two Sundays this entire year where I will have to go stand up up front so I wanted to look nice. (I still have not found those black dress pants!) I wore a skirt & sweater instead. So I now have most of my laundry clean, but again, because I come last, it's everyone else's which is being put away first... and because my lovely husband won't part with any of his clothing, even though a portion of them no longer fit him (he's finally not underweight anymore!) I have run out of space to put away his clothes and thus am wasting time, quite probably in vain, trying to "make room" for his clean clothes. We've had a few discussions about this. He simply doesn't get it. So since I'm in a snit about it he tells me to leave his clean clothes on the bed and he'll put them away. There is a small pile of his clean clothes floating around our bedroom. He refuses to admit defeat but has no idea where he's going to put the clothes without rebreaking the dresser drawer. (He doesn't admit that he has no idea, but seriously, once you've looked inside the closet and gone through each of your drawers and still not put away anything in that pile, I know you've seen defeat.)
So, since I turn 30 this week, and the old adage "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." is very true, I'm going to declare April "de-clutter or create" month. No one's things are not up for consideration for donation. I mean, I got rid of 1/5 of my wardrobe before I left NY for Massachusetts. I've gotten rid of a lot of clothes since then of mine too. (If a top was super tight before having a child it is simply never ever going to fit again, so why keep it taking up space?!?) In comparison, I have saved a fraction of Sebastian's outgrown clothes but largely donated or traded in outgrown clothes. I sold his high chair. I try to discourage family from getting him large toys. His tricycle wintered in my parents basement (and will be retrieved at Easter - I'm still working on finding a helmet that fits Sebastian.). I got ANOTHER bookcase... and yet we still have a "proper storage" issue. I still see a pile of boxes before I go to bed at night. (Unless, as was the case last night, silly boy refuses to go back to sleep without Mommy spending the night in his room. I LOVE that he finally has a big bed with trundle. I dislike that silly boy still woke up and wanted to talk every hour through the night)
Now, in the time I took to type all that I could've put away some of my clothes, but sometimes, getting the frustrations of life off your chest is more important. However, in my personal life as in my art life, the reward in the sense of accomplishment when a task is completed is quite high for me. So, while I am about to go out and get some relaxing massage therapy (which should be the best thing for this aching right arm that's on fire!) I've also got my entire day after that planned out... which includes another clothing donation (children's clothes and dresses I had wanted to sell but don't have the patience to keep putting up online), returning soda cans, grocery shopping so I can do casseroles for this weekend & chicken tonight,
Seven more weeks, seven more to go and 3 projects already started.
When I don't feel accomplished, like this morning seeing all the boxes in our bedroom as I'm putting away clean laundry, I keep going back to the numbers.
I'd like to point out that as you see a family of 3 or 4 out and about, and you notice that the kids and husband are dressed nice and cleanly but the mother's clothes are rumbled or slightly faded but clean, that you're probably looking at a stay at home mom. Why? Because we tend to do every one else's laundry first. (I imagine this is similar for Stay at Home Dads too!) Since our spouse is going out of the house for work, and also will forget to tell us that they have no clean socks until there are NO socks left in their drawer, we make sure we wash their clothes every week. Our children are, in many cases, the people we spend the most time with and see the most so and help dress in the mornings so, obviously, we have a handle on where their "clean clothes status" is. Which leaves ourselves, the stay at home parent, last.
I realized and was pissed off by this over this past weekend when I couldn't find the pants I wanted to wear to church... one of two Sundays this entire year where I will have to go stand up up front so I wanted to look nice. (I still have not found those black dress pants!) I wore a skirt & sweater instead. So I now have most of my laundry clean, but again, because I come last, it's everyone else's which is being put away first... and because my lovely husband won't part with any of his clothing, even though a portion of them no longer fit him (he's finally not underweight anymore!) I have run out of space to put away his clothes and thus am wasting time, quite probably in vain, trying to "make room" for his clean clothes. We've had a few discussions about this. He simply doesn't get it. So since I'm in a snit about it he tells me to leave his clean clothes on the bed and he'll put them away. There is a small pile of his clean clothes floating around our bedroom. He refuses to admit defeat but has no idea where he's going to put the clothes without rebreaking the dresser drawer. (He doesn't admit that he has no idea, but seriously, once you've looked inside the closet and gone through each of your drawers and still not put away anything in that pile, I know you've seen defeat.)
So, since I turn 30 this week, and the old adage "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." is very true, I'm going to declare April "de-clutter or create" month. No one's things are not up for consideration for donation. I mean, I got rid of 1/5 of my wardrobe before I left NY for Massachusetts. I've gotten rid of a lot of clothes since then of mine too. (If a top was super tight before having a child it is simply never ever going to fit again, so why keep it taking up space?!?) In comparison, I have saved a fraction of Sebastian's outgrown clothes but largely donated or traded in outgrown clothes. I sold his high chair. I try to discourage family from getting him large toys. His tricycle wintered in my parents basement (and will be retrieved at Easter - I'm still working on finding a helmet that fits Sebastian.). I got ANOTHER bookcase... and yet we still have a "proper storage" issue. I still see a pile of boxes before I go to bed at night. (Unless, as was the case last night, silly boy refuses to go back to sleep without Mommy spending the night in his room. I LOVE that he finally has a big bed with trundle. I dislike that silly boy still woke up and wanted to talk every hour through the night)
Now, in the time I took to type all that I could've put away some of my clothes, but sometimes, getting the frustrations of life off your chest is more important. However, in my personal life as in my art life, the reward in the sense of accomplishment when a task is completed is quite high for me. So, while I am about to go out and get some relaxing massage therapy (which should be the best thing for this aching right arm that's on fire!) I've also got my entire day after that planned out... which includes another clothing donation (children's clothes and dresses I had wanted to sell but don't have the patience to keep putting up online), returning soda cans, grocery shopping so I can do casseroles for this weekend & chicken tonight,
Friday, March 25, 2011
2:47 am
And I am on the computer because apparently my sinuses have decided that since they behaved themselves all day that they must now attack me. This blows.
And my nose is sore from all the blowing too!
I set a goal for myself: 8 projects completed in 8 weeks.
Sounds SO very simple put that way...
deceptively simple. Because my unpaid 24/7 job is that of a "stay at home mom".
Which I wish someone would be creative enough to find a replacement title for. I'm NOT a very PC person, but SAHM sounds extremely lazy. While I only have one child, and so I have it fairly simple, I still think people confuse "housewife" and "stay at home mother" as synonymous. They certainly are not. Not when you have children under 5. Add to that the annoyances of daily life not child related, the household responsibilities and crap life throws at you and days can be extremely full with nothing left to show for your accomplishments. Being a SAHM living far from where you grew up, a little bit shy and with no family around presents a very real challenge of having any life of your own. While I am maintaining this blog (so far) don't mistake me for someone who whole-heartedly loves technology. In reality, I am online as much as I am simply because I am stuck at home often or, like tonight, I can't sleep. The calmer and happier I am the more efficient I am when online so I can be on the computer less. I'd rather be wandering through the woods, skiing, drawing or beating the hell out of a chunk of clay than be on a computer. Unfortunately drawing is the only other thing that can be done this late at night/early in the morning and I know from years of experience that unless I have an idea, drawing at this hour can lead to me cursing aloud.
Back to my goal of 8 in 8.
So because it's easy for me to feel guilty about leaving my apartment a mess... and the clutter has gotten far beyond what I can organize myself (... that in and of itself is an entire rant...) I have to stay focused on art for the next 8 weeks. I found my note from Jane, the note that made me jump back into art with both feet.
"Your mother showed me your sketchbook today. You do wonderful work. Please promise me that even if you do something else with your life you will never put down your art. It will always serve you well. Love, Jane"
I did very limited artwork the 4 years of college. After that I spent a long time only doing works if I had a perfect idea of what to do as a gift for a specific person... and while these are splendid it's not at all what Jane meant. I knew what she meant. My art teacher in high school had made me actually make the promise Jane wrote of, but for a long time I turned away from it. Now that I need a community here and my sanity needs me to be able to have a sliver of myself that is not "wife" or "momma" I reclaimed it... for better or worse.
It's hard to meet people when you're married and not working outside the house and a parent. I don't want to go to a bar or club by myself, and neither is a place I can see my husband going with me even if we didn't have a child unless there was a concert going on. I was happy to join mothers groups when I first moved here, but I quickly found out that it's extremely hard to find another mother who wants to just go out ... to go out and blow off steam. It's ridiculous. I know I live outside the city and didn't grow up here, but finding people to be real with is far more difficult than it should be. I should not have to drive through 3 states to get together for a girls night out with childhood friends in order to go out... but that's the only time it happens.
Even the few guy friends I have in the area, all of whom I knew from living in NY, are stuck in their own limitations. Two won't go out without their girlfriends but because their girlfriends don't know me they don't want to go out. Another doesn't want me to meet his girlfriend. I have no idea what he thinks I'm going to tell her but apparently he's not willing to take that chance that I might possibly embarrass him. The fourth I've known since Kindergarten and while I could invite myself along, I am far too relaxed for his crowd. That leaves only one unmarried friend in the area... and I joke about him being the other adult in my house. He'd be the friend keeping my husband company while I went out... so, I've mused about this for a while and decided a few things:
- Giving up for now doesn't mean giving in to getting old
- If I meet people I have to step far out of my comfort zone and actually get to know them.
(Be the extrovert people think I am instead of the introvert I am)
- Remind myself often that it's okay to do things alone sometimes. It may not be as fun, but it's gotta beat staying home.
That said, my second present to myself for my birthday is tickets to a Friday night show benefiting charity next week. The ticket cost was $30. I'm pretending that is a sign I was suppose to go. It's meant to be a night of silliness - and with as serious as some of the crap is right now I can always use silliness that I don't have to clean up after!
And my nose is sore from all the blowing too!
I set a goal for myself: 8 projects completed in 8 weeks.
Sounds SO very simple put that way...
deceptively simple. Because my unpaid 24/7 job is that of a "stay at home mom".
Which I wish someone would be creative enough to find a replacement title for. I'm NOT a very PC person, but SAHM sounds extremely lazy. While I only have one child, and so I have it fairly simple, I still think people confuse "housewife" and "stay at home mother" as synonymous. They certainly are not. Not when you have children under 5. Add to that the annoyances of daily life not child related, the household responsibilities and crap life throws at you and days can be extremely full with nothing left to show for your accomplishments. Being a SAHM living far from where you grew up, a little bit shy and with no family around presents a very real challenge of having any life of your own. While I am maintaining this blog (so far) don't mistake me for someone who whole-heartedly loves technology. In reality, I am online as much as I am simply because I am stuck at home often or, like tonight, I can't sleep. The calmer and happier I am the more efficient I am when online so I can be on the computer less. I'd rather be wandering through the woods, skiing, drawing or beating the hell out of a chunk of clay than be on a computer. Unfortunately drawing is the only other thing that can be done this late at night/early in the morning and I know from years of experience that unless I have an idea, drawing at this hour can lead to me cursing aloud.
Back to my goal of 8 in 8.
So because it's easy for me to feel guilty about leaving my apartment a mess... and the clutter has gotten far beyond what I can organize myself (... that in and of itself is an entire rant...) I have to stay focused on art for the next 8 weeks. I found my note from Jane, the note that made me jump back into art with both feet.
"Your mother showed me your sketchbook today. You do wonderful work. Please promise me that even if you do something else with your life you will never put down your art. It will always serve you well. Love, Jane"
I did very limited artwork the 4 years of college. After that I spent a long time only doing works if I had a perfect idea of what to do as a gift for a specific person... and while these are splendid it's not at all what Jane meant. I knew what she meant. My art teacher in high school had made me actually make the promise Jane wrote of, but for a long time I turned away from it. Now that I need a community here and my sanity needs me to be able to have a sliver of myself that is not "wife" or "momma" I reclaimed it... for better or worse.
It's hard to meet people when you're married and not working outside the house and a parent. I don't want to go to a bar or club by myself, and neither is a place I can see my husband going with me even if we didn't have a child unless there was a concert going on. I was happy to join mothers groups when I first moved here, but I quickly found out that it's extremely hard to find another mother who wants to just go out ... to go out and blow off steam. It's ridiculous. I know I live outside the city and didn't grow up here, but finding people to be real with is far more difficult than it should be. I should not have to drive through 3 states to get together for a girls night out with childhood friends in order to go out... but that's the only time it happens.
Even the few guy friends I have in the area, all of whom I knew from living in NY, are stuck in their own limitations. Two won't go out without their girlfriends but because their girlfriends don't know me they don't want to go out. Another doesn't want me to meet his girlfriend. I have no idea what he thinks I'm going to tell her but apparently he's not willing to take that chance that I might possibly embarrass him. The fourth I've known since Kindergarten and while I could invite myself along, I am far too relaxed for his crowd. That leaves only one unmarried friend in the area... and I joke about him being the other adult in my house. He'd be the friend keeping my husband company while I went out... so, I've mused about this for a while and decided a few things:
- Giving up for now doesn't mean giving in to getting old
- If I meet people I have to step far out of my comfort zone and actually get to know them.
(Be the extrovert people think I am instead of the introvert I am)
- Remind myself often that it's okay to do things alone sometimes. It may not be as fun, but it's gotta beat staying home.
That said, my second present to myself for my birthday is tickets to a Friday night show benefiting charity next week. The ticket cost was $30. I'm pretending that is a sign I was suppose to go. It's meant to be a night of silliness - and with as serious as some of the crap is right now I can always use silliness that I don't have to clean up after!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Decided!
Ridiculously happy just to have a decision on a project made!
Even though it means even more steps than I thought when I claimed the frame.
I'm trying to work, but I want to walk around... though except for my studio neighbor everyone's gone.
I even brought Girl Scout cookies to share!
Oh... and if you can't tell... my new laptop power cord came a day earlier than I expected! So (for better or worse) I can use my computer to procrastinate...I mean *cough* ahem *cough* get around to ordering my business cards and actually check my gmail account.
Even though it means even more steps than I thought when I claimed the frame.
I'm trying to work, but I want to walk around... though except for my studio neighbor everyone's gone.
I even brought Girl Scout cookies to share!
Oh... and if you can't tell... my new laptop power cord came a day earlier than I expected! So (for better or worse) I can use my computer to procrastinate...I mean *cough* ahem *cough* get around to ordering my business cards and actually check my gmail account.
Up and walked away...
After searching this morning and when I returned home today my slide on sneakers are gone.
My son is clever, but I have checked everywhere the little man can reach...
It appears, despite all logic, that my favorite shoes have up and walked away.
Sketchbook with the jaguar still missing. Mini elephant mostly done. Dreamcatcher mostly done (once I figure out which color to use as the backdrop). Bullhead - Lily in watercolor done! Magpie... well, I definitely need to use a picture to try and draw it afterall but I think I expected that.
I accomplished 10 things in an hour being home AND played silliness with the boy for an hour. I feel bad going back to studio... but the reality is here at home from 8pm on I'll only watch TV or do things on the computer.
Besides, I'm on munchin duty all morning and evening the next 3 days!
(Excuses, excuses, I know... but it's no less true!)
My son is clever, but I have checked everywhere the little man can reach...
It appears, despite all logic, that my favorite shoes have up and walked away.
Sketchbook with the jaguar still missing. Mini elephant mostly done. Dreamcatcher mostly done (once I figure out which color to use as the backdrop). Bullhead - Lily in watercolor done! Magpie... well, I definitely need to use a picture to try and draw it afterall but I think I expected that.
I accomplished 10 things in an hour being home AND played silliness with the boy for an hour. I feel bad going back to studio... but the reality is here at home from 8pm on I'll only watch TV or do things on the computer.
Besides, I'm on munchin duty all morning and evening the next 3 days!
(Excuses, excuses, I know... but it's no less true!)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Up and walked away?
A whole sketchbook of mine is missing. One of my current books. The book with the entire sleeping jaguar 1/3 complete. Grr. I do not know how such a thing "up and walked away" but it has.
The pain from my arm is about a 8 on the 1-10 scale... yet I still am typing and trying to use it fairly normally because that is what I was advised to do until I see the hand specialist Wednesday morning. I'm really tired and cranky from this "my arm is on fire" feeling and can't wait for some relief. The only thing that temporarily helped was a special deep heat +active release when I got a massage last week. It only lasted until I woke up the next morning though... then this white hot pain was back.
If the "fix" for this is bandaging up my arm and wrapping it to my torso I will scream. I'll be on a lifting restriction from May -July and I can't afford (neither in sanity or art) the nonsense of stabilizing my shoulder and elbow that way. I'm also ridiculously right-handed. I can't do anything except brush my teeth sufficiently with my left hand... so I am a bit nervous about what experiment a specialist who has no interest in me the person may want to try.
Sorry this is so negative, but I have had a very crappy history with most doctors. They seriously tend to ignore my own instincts about my body even though history shows that if they listened to what I tell them they would make better diagnosis and get me to effective treatment sooner. (I was treated for 10 months like I had morning sickness when I actually had gall stones so large that I had my gall bladder removed. I said from day 1 that it was NOT morning sickness!)
So yeah... keep your fingers crossed that I am able to find that notebook. There are a few sketches for children's books AND that sleeping jaguar in it. I was hoping to finish the jaguar and have it listed on Etsy before my birthday at the end of the month... but I have to have it in order to be able to scan and list it! So frustrating!
The pain from my arm is about a 8 on the 1-10 scale... yet I still am typing and trying to use it fairly normally because that is what I was advised to do until I see the hand specialist Wednesday morning. I'm really tired and cranky from this "my arm is on fire" feeling and can't wait for some relief. The only thing that temporarily helped was a special deep heat +active release when I got a massage last week. It only lasted until I woke up the next morning though... then this white hot pain was back.
If the "fix" for this is bandaging up my arm and wrapping it to my torso I will scream. I'll be on a lifting restriction from May -July and I can't afford (neither in sanity or art) the nonsense of stabilizing my shoulder and elbow that way. I'm also ridiculously right-handed. I can't do anything except brush my teeth sufficiently with my left hand... so I am a bit nervous about what experiment a specialist who has no interest in me the person may want to try.
Sorry this is so negative, but I have had a very crappy history with most doctors. They seriously tend to ignore my own instincts about my body even though history shows that if they listened to what I tell them they would make better diagnosis and get me to effective treatment sooner. (I was treated for 10 months like I had morning sickness when I actually had gall stones so large that I had my gall bladder removed. I said from day 1 that it was NOT morning sickness!)
So yeah... keep your fingers crossed that I am able to find that notebook. There are a few sketches for children's books AND that sleeping jaguar in it. I was hoping to finish the jaguar and have it listed on Etsy before my birthday at the end of the month... but I have to have it in order to be able to scan and list it! So frustrating!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Some Nice Things
So after complaining about my stupid frickin' cut a couple of things happened to be happy about:
-the work I've done on the elephants actually looks good thus far
-my friend who I am a bridesmaid for in November (yeah... me a bridesmaid, I find it hilarious too!) actually was NOT at work or in grad class so I was able to talk to her.
-upon returning home I noticed a bracelet on the sidewalk- MY BRACELET - simply lying there as if it had come down to meet me at my car. I didn't know it had fallen off on my way to my car, so I was happy to find it whole and untouched/unchewed ! (We have a lot of dogs in our apartment complex) It's not expensive or anything, just leather and super thin brass, but I like to wear it and would've been disappointed tomorrow to find it gone.
-I have this email message from a friend (who really could've just commented it on the post...but I accept that you won't... even though it's not like you're not tech savvy...)
"back ages ago I used to work at a pizza place and part of the job sometimes was folding boxes. Cardboard cuts hurt like a motherfucker I don't care what ANYONE says."
That email makes me feel vindicated and less crazy about how bad it hurt. Thank you.
Now I'm going to cave and create a business page on facebook. I got thinking about it and I don't want to create a personal page under my work name, but I also would like to be able to see what others in the studios are working on, support them and such, without having to explain to everyone the story of the nickname. People that keep finding out my legal name there keep using it... and the whole point of introducing myself by my nickname and even Marcus working so hard to call me by that nickname when he's there at the same time, is because THAT'S what I WANT to go by! I love my nickname and it's one with lots of love and support for me behind it. My given first name some bimbos keep trashing, people screw up the ethnicity of all the time, and I just simply want to do art - not debate my name.
To be fair, when I'm patient enough, people do go back to using my nickname. It's just unnerving because I have no graceful response to any response to my real name. I feel awkward enough every minute in my new environment without doing that very old song and dance. I mean, it's my Dad who should be complimented for NOT naming me Tiffany (I thank God daily that he spoke up when it mattered against Mom) and it is NOT my fault someone who happened to have my same first name acts like an idiot and got herself on TV.
I really need to do shorter posts, don't I?
-the work I've done on the elephants actually looks good thus far
-my friend who I am a bridesmaid for in November (yeah... me a bridesmaid, I find it hilarious too!) actually was NOT at work or in grad class so I was able to talk to her.
-upon returning home I noticed a bracelet on the sidewalk- MY BRACELET - simply lying there as if it had come down to meet me at my car. I didn't know it had fallen off on my way to my car, so I was happy to find it whole and untouched/unchewed ! (We have a lot of dogs in our apartment complex) It's not expensive or anything, just leather and super thin brass, but I like to wear it and would've been disappointed tomorrow to find it gone.
-I have this email message from a friend (who really could've just commented it on the post...but I accept that you won't... even though it's not like you're not tech savvy...)
"back ages ago I used to work at a pizza place and part of the job sometimes was folding boxes. Cardboard cuts hurt like a motherfucker I don't care what ANYONE says."
That email makes me feel vindicated and less crazy about how bad it hurt. Thank you.
Now I'm going to cave and create a business page on facebook. I got thinking about it and I don't want to create a personal page under my work name, but I also would like to be able to see what others in the studios are working on, support them and such, without having to explain to everyone the story of the nickname. People that keep finding out my legal name there keep using it... and the whole point of introducing myself by my nickname and even Marcus working so hard to call me by that nickname when he's there at the same time, is because THAT'S what I WANT to go by! I love my nickname and it's one with lots of love and support for me behind it. My given first name some bimbos keep trashing, people screw up the ethnicity of all the time, and I just simply want to do art - not debate my name.
To be fair, when I'm patient enough, people do go back to using my nickname. It's just unnerving because I have no graceful response to any response to my real name. I feel awkward enough every minute in my new environment without doing that very old song and dance. I mean, it's my Dad who should be complimented for NOT naming me Tiffany (I thank God daily that he spoke up when it mattered against Mom) and it is NOT my fault someone who happened to have my same first name acts like an idiot and got herself on TV.
I really need to do shorter posts, don't I?
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