The new backhanded compliment

Sometimes I get compliments out-of-the-blue on my artwork.
For a moment after I register it as a sincere compliment I smile and am happy.
Lately though, I only get that single moment to revel in the compliment before the person ruins it with a "you need to". For me, the pushy "You need to do xyz. Really! If you contact blah blah blah online I'm sure they would love your work. Here, I'm writing it down for you. Oh! and there's a phone number. You should call them now. I'll wait."

Okay, slightly over dramatic, but sadly only slightly.

It has become the new backhanded compliment to me. It isn't, I know through others eyes, but that is how it feels to me. When the person is an artist or editor or collector 1) the suggestion holds real value 2) it's always worded better. The casual non-artist is without reason more in-your-face about it all. The non-artist simply DOES NOT UNDERSTAND. Which makes such things said online easy to deal with (I just don't type back until I can write "Ok. Thanks. Bye" In person such confrontations are SOOOOOOO painfully difficult for me. I don't want to be mean because these people aren't trying to offend me. They truly think they are being supportive. They have no idea that they are bothering me. They have no idea that if it's a genuinely intelligent suggestion than I have probably done so already. (Unlike writers who keep their rejection letters I burn mine.) To steal a line from my friend, Jeff,:
Art is HARD
And unfortunately our world forgets it. We are in a time where much of the time people have no idea how it is to be walking in anyone else's shoes. Little old ladies stick their noses into your parenting suggesting things that are kind but you know haven't a chance in hell of working. People outside of my faith community tell me all the time (incorrectly!!!!) what my church does and doesn't stand for. (For the record the sign "Bigotry in the name of God is still bigotry" was at a sister church of mine, so yeah haters, just leave me alone because you don't understand we're not about hate) And increasingly people with no background in art, galleries, publication or printing keep telling me what I should be doing. It's condescending. Telling me "Your art would look great in children's books" is a compliment. At least it's a compliment that would feel like one. Telling me "You need to get yourself published." or "You need to use XYZ brand of paint." or "I really like this one but you need to paint over her and make her red" is aggravating. No... it's insulting!  All of those have been said to me this month by non-artists.

I want to know if it makes sense that those who are not artists out there. I also would love to find a non-snarky something to say to these people that would ideally get them to not say things that way again to me. I would settle for being able to shut them up without insulting them back though. (Especially when one woman I see on a weekly basis).

Art is hard.
The art of dealing with stupid people shouldn't be.

I shouldn't be online at all...
but it's the least-pain distraction in recent weeks.
That's not an excuse, it's a statement of what is.

First PT appt this morning - evaluation of my arm. Epicondylitis SOUNDS like a fun thing, but it's not. I only have 3 "pieces of homework". So super simple I left thinking "Really? I must do that stretch a few times a day naturally!" Maybe I do... because once I got home and did them they HURT like <insert my laundry of curse words to diffuse my pain here>.

I wanted to draw in the studio today. I still might. I wanted to take out the trash, even though I can't do so well when my arm isn't on fire. No chance of doing that today. I want to get drunk (to mask the pain) and draw (to feel productive). That's what I'm reduced to. What I will do instead is pop more ibprofen than you should take all at once, have a small snack and go to teh studio while leaving my laptop here so as not to remain on the internet. In all likelihood I will paint instead of drawing because I do lesser tiny fine motor movements  when I paint than when I draw. Then, when my frustration with my physical abilities makes me want to throw things out the window I will pack up... now if I am good to myself I will leave before I am on the verge of tears and go for a mile walk. If I am my stubborn self and stuck at it too long, well, I don't know. Maybe "Mother Mother" can be found on the radio and screamed along to on the drive back home.

Oh yeah, this is what pain does to people, it steals a little bit of your soul.

I was pretty happy-go-lucky this morning until the pain set in.
And we're now at the "cause pain in stretching or need surgery next year" phase. M*(%erf*(&er.

I finally figured out how to do my self-portrait. damnit. I want to do it while I can see the steps in my mind. My arm, and by extenion my hand, don't want to cooperate. damn.

Just put it out there: your love, your humor, your frustrations... it's amazing what comes back.

My arm pain has had me near tears all day.
Typing hurts, but a lot less than cleaning did, taking out garbage does and the other "must do" things have.
No art today :(

But I put a gripe on facebook, because writing out my failures stops them from running circles in my mind.
One of our community friends offered to make my son's birthday cake, because she was already making cakes today and I don't have mom or MIL close to do so for me.

Seriously, a woman I only talk to a few minutes each week offered to make my son's birthday cake so I don't have to further stress myself today/tonight.

I. AM. LUCKY & LOVED.

And I am grateful.
(and so are the little kids who will devour it tomorrow!)

More life lessons

Don't waste your energy being sad when you come to realize someone is not interested in being your friend, use the energy to create art, make your family laugh or do a penguin walk instead. (Okay, so the last two ideas happen to be the same thing. shush.)

Equally important lesson of the week: when a doctor tells you to go to Physical Therapy, make it happen. Don't put it off for 3 months hoping you won't need it. Cortisone shots HURT. They provide TEMPORARY assistance. PT is designed to help lower the chance of recurrent pain & problems. It took scaring me with the prospect of arm surgery for it to sink into my thick skull: make the time & find the $ for PT or be completely laid up a year from now. *shudder*

The best ideas for art will come at inopportune moments: the shower, bed, while driving or when drunk. Those mini notebooks & sketchpads? Keep one in your purse, one in your glove box & one beside the bed and voila! more ideas captured and less time spent saying "I had a great idea... what the hell was it?!?"

Cats can not resist "helping you" read when you are stretched out.

Haters gonna hate... ditch their @sses and find better acquaintances.
(This is the boiled down version of "If you constantly questioning your worth in their presence, it's probably actually them that has a problem.")

Make your bed in the morning (aka:whatever hour it is you wake up). Even if the rest of your day is full of complications you will be reminded that you accomplished at least one thing before going to sleep at night.

And the life lesson of the week:
If you really need age to be irrelevant hang out with some kids and play. Tag at the park, penguin walks down the sidewalk, simon says... it doesn't matter. Play for play's sake and your heart will be reminded that age is just a number, it's the attitude that counts :)