It's been a long while since my last post, and I'm still having arm pain even after my arm surgery in July...
so instead of a "real post" I'm going to link up to a joke.
If you've taken a foreign language by choice, if you're a teacher or if you're deaf I expect you will appreciate the punchline.
No hate. Just love and laughter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2upAsFzO9AU
:-)
Monday, August 12, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
10 year later
I went to my 10 year college reunion last weekend.
I did not, for one moment previous to getting there, feel confident that it would be worth my time and money.
It was.
A whole lifetime can occur in 10 years. It truly can. People can change. Change as in change, not change as in completely become utterly totally new or different people, but positive changes do occur. I was thrilled to find that they had.
The most awkward moment came at the end, brunch the morning directly before leaving for home.
I'm sitting in a booth with my friend and three classmates I never was friends with during college but apparently get along with fine now, while the next table over is my old after-college roommate who had been my best friend... the best friend who did her best to turn everyone against me unprovoked. To this day I have no idea why she turned on me and felt that I, the person who adopted her as family and stood by her through thick and thin, had horribly wronged her. I still have no idea why and this, the first time seeing her in years, she acted as if nothing wrong had ever happened. Her husband asked me for a hug. So awkward that my classmates even remarked it was odd.
What I wished I had said, and hope I say if we meet again:
"You hurt me deeply. I wish you no ill but I am content that I rarely think of you at all."
I did not, for one moment previous to getting there, feel confident that it would be worth my time and money.
It was.
A whole lifetime can occur in 10 years. It truly can. People can change. Change as in change, not change as in completely become utterly totally new or different people, but positive changes do occur. I was thrilled to find that they had.
The most awkward moment came at the end, brunch the morning directly before leaving for home.
I'm sitting in a booth with my friend and three classmates I never was friends with during college but apparently get along with fine now, while the next table over is my old after-college roommate who had been my best friend... the best friend who did her best to turn everyone against me unprovoked. To this day I have no idea why she turned on me and felt that I, the person who adopted her as family and stood by her through thick and thin, had horribly wronged her. I still have no idea why and this, the first time seeing her in years, she acted as if nothing wrong had ever happened. Her husband asked me for a hug. So awkward that my classmates even remarked it was odd.
What I wished I had said, and hope I say if we meet again:
"You hurt me deeply. I wish you no ill but I am content that I rarely think of you at all."
Monday, May 27, 2013
I haven 't posted, in large part because my grandmother did pass away. After a week of having family and friends bedside at the hospital she died.
Sometimes it is cathartic to talk about sad things. This is not one of those times. Being told last night by my grandfather that he would like me to go through her jewelry box the next time I am able to come back up. It took all of my strength not to let my crying come through into my voice. Knowing was hard enough, being told what I needed to do put it over.
In the haze that is the process of grief, made none-the-better by 4 straight days of grey and rain, a few small business related realizations have come through.
- I am excited to be changing studios, moving down the hall at the end of June. Even the stress of moving and cleaning hasn't killed that bit of happy.
- I am incapable, with the busy-ness of this summer and moving studios, of starting and completing a large work right now so...
- I should paint a few cards in place of "normal" work. Small artwork easily completed in smaller space and time.
- Picked up such paper today :)
- Seeing the experimental printing of the female cardinal makes tons of gears turn in my head. Good!
- I should drop the cafepress link from my business cards and create my own website in it's place so I can write a "proper" artists blog, sell & promote my work and have an image gallery all in one place.
- Tackling this arm pain is THE MOST LONG TERM PRODUCTIVE THING I CAN DO. Once I can type an entry this length, or sketch out a painting, or design & order my business cards without wanting to scream in pain I will be more productive happily.
Sometimes it is cathartic to talk about sad things. This is not one of those times. Being told last night by my grandfather that he would like me to go through her jewelry box the next time I am able to come back up. It took all of my strength not to let my crying come through into my voice. Knowing was hard enough, being told what I needed to do put it over.
In the haze that is the process of grief, made none-the-better by 4 straight days of grey and rain, a few small business related realizations have come through.
- I am excited to be changing studios, moving down the hall at the end of June. Even the stress of moving and cleaning hasn't killed that bit of happy.
- I am incapable, with the busy-ness of this summer and moving studios, of starting and completing a large work right now so...
- I should paint a few cards in place of "normal" work. Small artwork easily completed in smaller space and time.
- Picked up such paper today :)
- Seeing the experimental printing of the female cardinal makes tons of gears turn in my head. Good!
- I should drop the cafepress link from my business cards and create my own website in it's place so I can write a "proper" artists blog, sell & promote my work and have an image gallery all in one place.
- Tackling this arm pain is THE MOST LONG TERM PRODUCTIVE THING I CAN DO. Once I can type an entry this length, or sketch out a painting, or design & order my business cards without wanting to scream in pain I will be more productive happily.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Damn It Woman...
I never mentioned that I finished the cardinal... and they loved it! I mean, I'm fairly sure it wasn't all just praise for my benefit... but even if it was there were family members who had seen it and gushed so I'm marking that in the "win" category and it is a piece that will have to be replicated eventually.
Got an email with a link to photos I had taken... the purpose to update my professional market sites AND a photo for the blog... but turns out one of the pictures is so wonderful that it will likely turn into it's own post.
I actually may well use the photo as a jumping point for many writings. We shall see.
My grandmother, one of the 4 people on this planet for whom I will jump ship without hesitation, has had another significant stroke. I'm waiting until morning to see her and the waiting is almost as bad as the initial processing of the news. I love this woman. We have been solid even when the rest of my world has not been.
... Once I stopped crying and got my shit together, what thought crossed by?
"Damn it woman, this is NOT an acceptable way to ask your Granddaughter to change her plans and spend Mother's Day with you."
Genuinely, that was my thought. I've said it aloud 3 times. If she's at all herself, if I see HER when she looks back at me, I will absolutely have to say that to her. If she's there inside and able, the expression I get back will be priceless. :-)
Careful what you wish for world, existence has a horrible sense of humor.
Please wish me luck and her wellness & healing.
Got an email with a link to photos I had taken... the purpose to update my professional market sites AND a photo for the blog... but turns out one of the pictures is so wonderful that it will likely turn into it's own post.
I actually may well use the photo as a jumping point for many writings. We shall see.
My grandmother, one of the 4 people on this planet for whom I will jump ship without hesitation, has had another significant stroke. I'm waiting until morning to see her and the waiting is almost as bad as the initial processing of the news. I love this woman. We have been solid even when the rest of my world has not been.
... Once I stopped crying and got my shit together, what thought crossed by?
"Damn it woman, this is NOT an acceptable way to ask your Granddaughter to change her plans and spend Mother's Day with you."
Genuinely, that was my thought. I've said it aloud 3 times. If she's at all herself, if I see HER when she looks back at me, I will absolutely have to say that to her. If she's there inside and able, the expression I get back will be priceless. :-)
Careful what you wish for world, existence has a horrible sense of humor.
Please wish me luck and her wellness & healing.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Creativity and Courage
So I would've come across it tomorrow, Saturday is the day I usually end up catching up on reading blogs and newspapers and books... but a (wonderfully smart &snarky)friend of mine posted the link to Wil Wheaton's site and most recent post:
http://wilwheaton.net/2013/05/they-make-comments/
Which particularly caught me because of the statement:
"Just remember, when someone is being a terrible monstrous awful cruel human being: you made a thing, and they made a comment."
The courageous part for me was never creating art. I started drawing purely for my own interest and enjoyment when I was 3. Yes, I probably got a lot of praise the first few years, but I did it for myself. I actually remember being 5 years old and sitting down with a pencil and paper and watching Imagination Station on PBS (Thank You Commander Mark!) and taking the lesson as serious fun instead of playing with my toys, running around outside or pestering my baby brother.
The courageous part for me was sharing my art with anyone I did not live with. Even though I got praise from age 5 - 10 with no negativity it still made me very nervous EVEN BACK THEN to share drawings with people I knew (like neighbors and my parents friends) even though they would support me.
Wil, you missed the mark... the artists create because it's a part of who we are, the courageous part, the part that truly makes our works live and breathe, is in the sharing. Once we let even one other person see our work we've opened the door to criticism, negativity, ever-expanding doubt and the painful gut-wrenching that goes with it all.
I have a studio in a building of well over 100 artists in various mediums. Most of them are friendly, kind, sweet, creative people. After 2 years I only have one other artist, and it's not even my husband, with whom I feel positive at all showing my work to. One in over a hundred. My husband (by my own reckoning) MUST be nice and like my work... so how the heck am I ever going to know what he likes over what he thinks sucks? My son (who is that perfect age of 5) gets to see my works in progress unabashed. He's 5. Part of learning is seeing that there are many steps to creating anything and I need him to see that. He's 5, so he is also nonjudgmental & honest about the awesomeness or messiness of my work. He's 5, so for at least one more year I can be someone who he thinks is talented in at least one area of life, so I'm enjoying that while I can.
He's 5, and I still hold my breath and expect him to say "I don't like it." every time I show him a new piece or the update on a current work.
The courage, like everywhere else in life, is in knowing you are fearful but moving forward anyway.
http://wilwheaton.net/2013/05/they-make-comments/
Which particularly caught me because of the statement:
"Just remember, when someone is being a terrible monstrous awful cruel human being: you made a thing, and they made a comment."
The courageous part for me was never creating art. I started drawing purely for my own interest and enjoyment when I was 3. Yes, I probably got a lot of praise the first few years, but I did it for myself. I actually remember being 5 years old and sitting down with a pencil and paper and watching Imagination Station on PBS (Thank You Commander Mark!) and taking the lesson as serious fun instead of playing with my toys, running around outside or pestering my baby brother.
The courageous part for me was sharing my art with anyone I did not live with. Even though I got praise from age 5 - 10 with no negativity it still made me very nervous EVEN BACK THEN to share drawings with people I knew (like neighbors and my parents friends) even though they would support me.
Wil, you missed the mark... the artists create because it's a part of who we are, the courageous part, the part that truly makes our works live and breathe, is in the sharing. Once we let even one other person see our work we've opened the door to criticism, negativity, ever-expanding doubt and the painful gut-wrenching that goes with it all.
I have a studio in a building of well over 100 artists in various mediums. Most of them are friendly, kind, sweet, creative people. After 2 years I only have one other artist, and it's not even my husband, with whom I feel positive at all showing my work to. One in over a hundred. My husband (by my own reckoning) MUST be nice and like my work... so how the heck am I ever going to know what he likes over what he thinks sucks? My son (who is that perfect age of 5) gets to see my works in progress unabashed. He's 5. Part of learning is seeing that there are many steps to creating anything and I need him to see that. He's 5, so he is also nonjudgmental & honest about the awesomeness or messiness of my work. He's 5, so for at least one more year I can be someone who he thinks is talented in at least one area of life, so I'm enjoying that while I can.
He's 5, and I still hold my breath and expect him to say "I don't like it." every time I show him a new piece or the update on a current work.
The courage, like everywhere else in life, is in knowing you are fearful but moving forward anyway.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Thoughts on the Boston Marathon bombing
This is not a political blog. It is also not explicitly NOT a political blog.
This is not a political rambling I'm about to go on, but if you take something from it *shrug* you do what you do and I'll type.
I live not far from Boston, MA and have many friends who work and play there. It's a great city to visit and many say it's a great place to be. Boston is one of those "American cities", the cities that have been taken as representing America in the minds eye. The Big Apple, DC, Philly, LA, Beantown... notice the sheer volume of people you will meet, American and not, who know those cities by their nicknames!
Any place with high visibility becomes an alluring place for crazies to do crazy things for publicity... both over the top for a cause (climbing the Golden Gate Bridge with a "Free Tibet" banner) and horrifically cruel cowardly acts of violence like placing explosives at a televised event of peace.
This doesn't mean we stop living. The good of the human race perishes if we let the possibility of negatives overwhelm our daily lives. Just as in other sad days, it is only if we stay down, choose to live and act in fear, that those with ill will win. If we are brave enough to pick ourselves up, follow the examples set by the helpers*, and continue to carry on with loving lives... THAT is the world I am in. I will not stop my life for there is far too much worth living for.
The symbol of the Boston Marathon is a unicorn.
Not a runner, not a trophy or a shoe. The symbol of the Boston Marathon is a gold unicorn on blue. A shining mythical symbol on the color symbolic of the water & air we need to live.
Stephen Colbert introduced his April 16, 2013 show in spectacular fashion. Patton Oswald has said "The good outnumber you, and always will." Before that I overheard "They messed with the wrong city."
All of it, I happen to agree with. Now that the media got itself together and is not broadcasting over it's regular programming with their hosts and anchors blabbering non-stop with opinions I agree. They messed with the wrong city and the wrong event. The first clue should have been in the symbol of the marathon.
Unicorns have a special place in my personal spirituality, but in history and worldwide symbolism as well. I could go for pages about the importance of Ka'lin in Asia and the unicorn in medieval Europe, but I'll skip those and try for a condensed version.
The unicorn was a less flashy symbol than the fiery phoenix of resurrection and less greedy than that of a treasure seeking dragon. The unicorn is believed a symbol of healing in it's horn, beauty in it's physique, a comfort to the innocent. It was prized for those attributes and it's rarity.
What better symbol could there be for an event that encourages peaceful competition of the highest level of unprofessional athletics to people from around the globe. People run the marathon to raise monies for charities looking to heal pains in the world. People run the marathon for self-challenge. People run the marathon because running brings themselves comfort and strength. People support the marathon because even from the outside we feel the positive energy it creates. Regardless of the science and lack of proof of unicorns, the image persists throughout time and the world. This image that popular culture often deems childish persists with adults long after childhood is over. The unicorn persists in the human psyche... as we continue to persist in the world.
The good will always outnumber the bad. We strengthen the good when we are willing to be the visible good, the visible average, the visible caring human beings we are each very naturally capable of being.
*Those still struggling with how to talk with your children (and I purposely say WITH because I want you to let them speak too!), if you are left uninspired by the unicorn, I leave you with a quote from the prophetic Mr. Fred Rogers himself:
This is not a political rambling I'm about to go on, but if you take something from it *shrug* you do what you do and I'll type.
I live not far from Boston, MA and have many friends who work and play there. It's a great city to visit and many say it's a great place to be. Boston is one of those "American cities", the cities that have been taken as representing America in the minds eye. The Big Apple, DC, Philly, LA, Beantown... notice the sheer volume of people you will meet, American and not, who know those cities by their nicknames!
Any place with high visibility becomes an alluring place for crazies to do crazy things for publicity... both over the top for a cause (climbing the Golden Gate Bridge with a "Free Tibet" banner) and horrifically cruel cowardly acts of violence like placing explosives at a televised event of peace.
This doesn't mean we stop living. The good of the human race perishes if we let the possibility of negatives overwhelm our daily lives. Just as in other sad days, it is only if we stay down, choose to live and act in fear, that those with ill will win. If we are brave enough to pick ourselves up, follow the examples set by the helpers*, and continue to carry on with loving lives... THAT is the world I am in. I will not stop my life for there is far too much worth living for.
The symbol of the Boston Marathon is a unicorn.
Not a runner, not a trophy or a shoe. The symbol of the Boston Marathon is a gold unicorn on blue. A shining mythical symbol on the color symbolic of the water & air we need to live.
Stephen Colbert introduced his April 16, 2013 show in spectacular fashion. Patton Oswald has said "The good outnumber you, and always will." Before that I overheard "They messed with the wrong city."
All of it, I happen to agree with. Now that the media got itself together and is not broadcasting over it's regular programming with their hosts and anchors blabbering non-stop with opinions I agree. They messed with the wrong city and the wrong event. The first clue should have been in the symbol of the marathon.
Unicorns have a special place in my personal spirituality, but in history and worldwide symbolism as well. I could go for pages about the importance of Ka'lin in Asia and the unicorn in medieval Europe, but I'll skip those and try for a condensed version.
The unicorn was a less flashy symbol than the fiery phoenix of resurrection and less greedy than that of a treasure seeking dragon. The unicorn is believed a symbol of healing in it's horn, beauty in it's physique, a comfort to the innocent. It was prized for those attributes and it's rarity.
What better symbol could there be for an event that encourages peaceful competition of the highest level of unprofessional athletics to people from around the globe. People run the marathon to raise monies for charities looking to heal pains in the world. People run the marathon for self-challenge. People run the marathon because running brings themselves comfort and strength. People support the marathon because even from the outside we feel the positive energy it creates. Regardless of the science and lack of proof of unicorns, the image persists throughout time and the world. This image that popular culture often deems childish persists with adults long after childhood is over. The unicorn persists in the human psyche... as we continue to persist in the world.
The good will always outnumber the bad. We strengthen the good when we are willing to be the visible good, the visible average, the visible caring human beings we are each very naturally capable of being.
*Those still struggling with how to talk with your children (and I purposely say WITH because I want you to let them speak too!), if you are left uninspired by the unicorn, I leave you with a quote from the prophetic Mr. Fred Rogers himself:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
There were helpers on 9/11/2001, and in the Tsunami's in Asia, the hurricanes of the southeast US, the Oklahoma City bombing. There are helpers right now in the Sudan. There are ALWAYS helpers. At the Boston Marathon there were helpers, not just the police in bright vests charging the baracade, but ordinary citizens pulling apart the baracades, applying pressure to wounds, running to retrieve wheelchairs for the wounded, the adults blocks away who spoke to every person they saw to make sure that other person was at least okay enough to speak. The newscasters who encouraged anyone they were interviewing to say their name and who they were with so that their loved ones might know they were safe. There were the amazing runners who thought a little ahead and walked themselves to the hospital to donate blood right away. There were the people online relaying messages to friends and family that loved ones were okay when the cell phone service was turned off. All of that, every single caring act of love, was beautiful comfort to someone.
Cowards may have their moment of flash, but those who love will always rise for love is beautiful power.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Spring
And... I didn't post the entire month of March... whoops!
Working on life things. Nothing particularly exciting since February. Lame, I know.
Studios have been under construction, and there's been construction across from my home, so it has been difficult to be artistically productive as I had planned to be. I currently have 14 days to finish an acrylic painting. Yes, I have started. No, I don't blame you for asking and I sadly understand that it's a valid question.
Actually, I did 3 small acrylic paintings in the month of February, now that I stop to remember.
It was March that was a dud of a month. Sketches went well. Did another sillouette that I want to work into a larger multi media piece, but nothing that I am particularly fond of.... except for my phoenix sketch. I think I created the watermark for my online work (once I get a basic program like photoshop for myself) and it's a stylized phoenix. I do not like that phoenix and dragons have become "cool" so for that reason alone I am reluctant to use it, but now I keep finding myself doodling it on the back of napkins when I'm waiting and in my son's coloring books while I'm suppose to be waiting not coloring in any more without him. (Yes, I color with crayons with my son. I believe coloring books are good for everyone. It's calming... unless you're coloring with a 5 year old... then sometimes it's work!)
Open Studios this Saturday and no flashy new work to show for it.
Also, my business cards haven't come either. Both myself and my husband are out of business cards. Not good.
Thinking I might have to have us make up some tonight just for the sheer necessity of needing some for Saturday.
Guess I'm not doing well on "being on top of business side of things."
But what artist/stay at home mother in chronic pain with crazy family is?
Oh, and the excuse of getting another feeder to attract cardinals so I could study a female cardinal for my painting? It was total BS at the time, but low and behold, I have attracted a mated pair of cardinals to my yard and am getting to compare real life color for my painting. Photographs are great, but it's hard to tell when a photo has and hasn't been tweaked sometimes. Now I know I want more rust and less grey, less ocres and more umbers and it helps me stop arguing with myself. :-)
Working on life things. Nothing particularly exciting since February. Lame, I know.
Studios have been under construction, and there's been construction across from my home, so it has been difficult to be artistically productive as I had planned to be. I currently have 14 days to finish an acrylic painting. Yes, I have started. No, I don't blame you for asking and I sadly understand that it's a valid question.
Actually, I did 3 small acrylic paintings in the month of February, now that I stop to remember.
It was March that was a dud of a month. Sketches went well. Did another sillouette that I want to work into a larger multi media piece, but nothing that I am particularly fond of.... except for my phoenix sketch. I think I created the watermark for my online work (once I get a basic program like photoshop for myself) and it's a stylized phoenix. I do not like that phoenix and dragons have become "cool" so for that reason alone I am reluctant to use it, but now I keep finding myself doodling it on the back of napkins when I'm waiting and in my son's coloring books while I'm suppose to be waiting not coloring in any more without him. (Yes, I color with crayons with my son. I believe coloring books are good for everyone. It's calming... unless you're coloring with a 5 year old... then sometimes it's work!)
Open Studios this Saturday and no flashy new work to show for it.
Also, my business cards haven't come either. Both myself and my husband are out of business cards. Not good.
Thinking I might have to have us make up some tonight just for the sheer necessity of needing some for Saturday.
Guess I'm not doing well on "being on top of business side of things."
But what artist/stay at home mother in chronic pain with crazy family is?
Oh, and the excuse of getting another feeder to attract cardinals so I could study a female cardinal for my painting? It was total BS at the time, but low and behold, I have attracted a mated pair of cardinals to my yard and am getting to compare real life color for my painting. Photographs are great, but it's hard to tell when a photo has and hasn't been tweaked sometimes. Now I know I want more rust and less grey, less ocres and more umbers and it helps me stop arguing with myself. :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)